Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
