At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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