Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
