So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
