I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
