you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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