It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
