Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Even my vagina gasped.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
