mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
