why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
