I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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