I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
