Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
