im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
