So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
