I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
