I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
