This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
