if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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