I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize