youre lurking in front of me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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