happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
