Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
