All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
