I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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