there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
