my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
