the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was CRYING into my vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
