Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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