i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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