found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
