Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
