Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
