I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
