I heard we made out
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
