I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
