I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I could fuck to npr.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
