you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
