i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
