South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
