Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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