It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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