Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
