I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize