her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
