I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
