My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
