so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
