it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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