Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
