is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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