I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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