oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
