I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
