fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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