Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
