Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
