Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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