sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
