Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
