so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
