yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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