when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
