Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
