At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
