I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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