Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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