I can text with my tongue
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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