So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
