she was so not down for the gang bang
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
