I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
