While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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