just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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