If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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