Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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