She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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