I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize